Sometimes when we get caught in our plans, we miss the sacred moments. What I learned from this experience, now I know for sure. We know. We just don’t always know we know.
A continuation of the last blog-excerpts from my journal.
“My mom died Sunday February 28th at around 10:10am. It was my birthday. She died looking out over our beautiful land surrounded by the loving thoughts and prayers of family and friends.
It was a beautiful morning. Kind of weird. I believe there is a level of consciousness that we live in, knowing. We just don’t know we are there. Mom would lie in bed, and I was sitting beside her, stroking her body. I remember thinking, if I didn’t know better, I would think she was dying. She was all snuggled in to the bed and sleeping a real lot during these four days. I thought it was just transition.. after all we had a plan for her recovery, everything was in place, we were ready to go, just waiting for Monday.
I brought her into the kitchen that Sunday morning. I stripped her bed and placed clean linens where she lay. I drew the water in a basin and sat at her feet and washed her body. I chose a special oil to oil her body. I annointed her head and feet to calm. (shower on Monday…it would be fine!) I randomly opened the bible to a passage and read Do Not Worry..even the birds do not worry where they will sleep or what they will eat.(hold this thought)
“Mom, today is my birthday. I am so thankful you gave birth to me. I am so glad you gave me life. I have a wonderful life.”
She shook her head yes. She was tired and wanted to go to bed. She could not find words because of her massive stroke. Yet, in that moment, very clearly, she said, “Now go to church”
I did. 10 minutes later she died.
It was a beautiful day. It really was. I know there will be sadness and raw deep grief.
I had a plan....I had everything in place. Schedules were set, appointments were made. I was going to bring my mother home. I did. Just not the home I was planning.
My Annaliese said last night. ” you know Mom…maybe this was your momma’s birthday gift to you She set you free, as she was set free.”
The passage about the birds. This morning there was a flock of hundreds of birds singing in our yard. I thought they flew south for the winter!”
The following year on the anniversary of her birth(death) the gospel was the one I opened to on the day she died.
Life. Amazing. Miraculous. Sacred.
Don’t miss the moments.