Don’t Let My Heart Stop Beating

Four years ago my friend, you were sitting on your throne surrounded by pure love. Your room was prepared by your loving family. There were pictures, familiar comfort pieces of furniture, words of hope and courage, and a Christmas Tree. We were waiting on you, taking care of your every desire, stroking your hair, and nourishing your body and soul, with food and love.  Let It Be played continuously in the background. We comforted you, held you, your husband Steven never left your side. Your family held you and each other in strength, courage and deep love. You were preparing to leave your physical body and journey into a place not yet defined by those of us still here on earth.

Seriously Nancy? Yesterday, I actually had to look up your obituary (that is such a silly name isn’t it?) to see when it was you left your body. It has been four years. I thought it was three years. Those days are etched into my heart.

You looked me in the eye and said, “Don’t let my heart stop beating.”

The irony of this Nance, is that you have made this impossible. Your heart is continually beating in mine and in your family. It beats in every person that has crossed your path. The beating of your heart does not stop. Your love expands and radiates because love never dies. You, my friend, have always been pure love.

We sit almost every day,(you and I) in the wee hours of the morning. Us ‘ladies’ sit and talk and plan. Well, in truth, I usually just sit and listen. I sat this morning wanting so much to hear from you again. I wanted you to tell me what to say in this blog.

You told me to ‘go sit by the fire’.

“You know the words to say. Love does not die. I did not die. I live every day surrounding my family, holding space for them. I stroke their hair, hold their heads. I am with them constantly. I show up as reminders through dragonflies, whispers in the night, a shadow crossing the visual eye, a bird by the window. I am there every day, as a simple word or a laughable memory. I am the tear that trickles down the cheek. I am the pull of heartstrings when challenging times come. I am always and will always be there, because love never, ever dies.

So there you go Lee-Ann, you wanted some words to speak from me. Do you dare to speak them?

The song you love so much that you play in the early morning and the tears flow down your face? I gave that to you. Share it.”

(Damn-Nancy you are still quite bossy!)

In the quiet of the morning when no one knows and no one needs to know.

You speak to me you give me strength, there is nothing like a secret place.

Underground is where life begins. My heart will rejoice in its hiddeness.

Beyond the burial there is a resurrection.

In the stillness of the morn you are working all the details out.

I trust your words and I trust your ways.

And I will rise.

I Will Rise-Bethel Music




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