I think you’ve got this Nance! When you left your body three years ago, you looked me in the eye and said, ”Don’t let my heart stop beating.” It still beats.
Three years is an interesting time in the world of grief. It is the reality check. You are indeed not here to call on the phone, go for rides, sit by the pool and share our morning coffee. No longer do I get to annoy you at the library, at home, or actually anywhere.
You and I no longer get to banter back and forth, over the most ridiculous conversations. We no longer are able to ponder our life choices and justify why it really is good idea to raise our children without rules, none have to be broken. (we really did a great job of justifying that one!)
Nancy, you are I are no longer able to delve deep into conversation, non stop all the way to New York and back, solving all our world, family and everyone else’s problems. I always smile at that story. Remember how we got up pre dawn to travel to New York City and move my daughter? We had traveled an hour, talking the whole time, when we stopped for coffee. Starting our travels again I asked you, “Nancy if we are traveling west why are we seeing the sun rise?”
Three years and I know I will never again have those special moments, beautiful memories, heartfelt conversations with you. Yet, in the reality of life you indeed do live on. A smile comes to my face with every memory of our times together. Joy fills my heart when I gather with your family in the traditions you made. Your name is forever mentioned in stories we tell. And then of course there are the dragonflies that come into my house in the freezing cold as well as the summer warmth. Even my family now will exclaim “Nancy is here!”
Yes, indeed Nancy, you are here. Always have been and always will be. Tears still trickle down my face at the simple thought of you. Because you see Nancy, your heart and your love beat in me. Your love is so deep and so pure it just keeps expanding.
You did this Nancy. You did it and you really didn’t need me to keep your heart beating. Your amazing love has a way of going on.
I love you forever and every day. Thank you for loving me.
Your very best friend in the whole wide world. (here come the tears again)